Remus' Darkest secret
by HouseoftheBadger
Summary: Remus is on his way back to the dorm after the Full moon. But his friends really behaves strange today... Why is they looking on him like that?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any characters. If I did, a book about the Marauders would be avaliable in the shops right now.**

Remus hummed a happy melody when he made his way back to the Gryffindor Tower and his dormitory, which he shared with his four best friends: James Potter, Sirius Black (He knew! A Potter and a Black as best friends (both with each other and him! He still thought it was strange even if he was very happy for them) and Peter Pettigrew. This Full moon had been unusually easy on him and he had gotten out from the Hospital Wing after only half a day. He thought it had to be new record, especially since nothing hurt except the usual soreness.

He smiled toward some first years who sat and played Wizard chess and waved to his friends Frank and Alice in 5th year who discussed Quidditch. Then he hurried upstairs, towards the Marauders' dorm. Earlier they had shared it with the other two Gryffindor boys their year, Rafael and Luke, but after a month in 1th year they had enough of the four friends and had McGonagall to give them their own dorm. The Marauders had only been happy for that (when they realized it a month later), because now they didn't have to worry about anyone coming in when they planned pranks.

With a bright smile he opened the door, he already missed his friends, and they had only been from each other less than a day. When he came in and saw his friends Remus frowned, though. All of them looked… worried, concerned and pale.  
"Hi guys." Remus said hesitantly and smiled a smaller smile. He had no idea what the looks on their faces meant. They didn't smile back. Sirius got on his feet and closed the door behind Remus, and now he began to get worried.

"What's going on?" he asked, looking around for some clue. His eyes caught the cover of a book on James' bed. A book about… werewolves. Had they… no! It was impossible. He had hided it so well. Remus shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. Probably they just had thought werewolves sounded exciting.  
"Remus…" James said slowly. "When you were gone, we thought about some things."  
Remus was positively afraid right now. He had decided that they had not found out about his curse, but what if they didn't wanted to be friends with him anymore? They maybe had decided he was too boring, to plain, for them.

"You was home this month because your Uncle George had died, right?" Sirius asked. Remus could only nod, dread filling his stomach.  
"But Uncle George has already died thrice." Peter finished Sirius' sentence.  
"You're always away when we has Astronomy during the Full moon. Actually, you're always away when it's full moon."  
 _No no nonononono_. Remus thought, trying to back away, but realizing Sirius was still behind him. Knowing his former friend wouldn't want a monster touching him he changed direction and was now pressed against the wall.

"Remus, are you a werewolf?" Peter asked very seriously.  
 _They're going to hate you now. You deserves it._ A voice in Remus' head told him. He knew it was right. _They'll never want to be your friends now. You're going to get thrown out of school.  
_ Remus eyes was wide and filled with tears when he pressed himself even closer to the wall before sliding down on the floor and placing his face in his lap. He wasn't going to let them see him cry. He could cry as soon they let him out of here. If they didn't kill him. No, they wouldn't do that. Even if he was a werewolf they could go to Azkaban… if they didn't say it was self-defence. But then at least his suffering would end.

Remus began to tremble violently and couldn't help but let a single sob escape before he could stop the tears. He didn't look up, didn't want to see the disgusted and hateful looks they had on their faces.  
"I-I-I'm sorry!" he gasped out. "I-I knew you were going to hate me. I just… I just wanted to feel how it was to have friends once in my life. I promise, I'll get out from your hair. You will never have to see me again! Just… just please don't tell anyone! I will get expelled. Dumbledore won't be able to do anything! I move out from the dorm, from the Tower even! Just _please_ don't tell anyone! I-I can even leave Hogwarts, if you don't tell anyone! I'll go quiet, ju-just let me take my things. I ca-can't handle being shunned and attacked again! I swear, I leave! Just let me go in peace, I beg of you!"

The other three Marauders had stood frozen during Remus' hysterical verbiage. They couldn't do anything but stare at their fourth member for a moment, horrified over whatever he must have gone through to be like this. Remus still held his face in his lap, but had now began to sob violently, despite his previous determination not to. He didn't want to leave. If he was really lucky they wouldn't tell anyone and let him stay as long he kept out of their sight. McGonagall could surely fix his scheme, and he could be in the library all the time when he wasn't in class. They would never go there.

Just as he felt a little hope come he remembered that he just lost his best and only friends, probably the only ones he would have his whole life and began to sob harder.  
"I-I'm so sorry. I kn-knows I'm a mon-monster who doesn't de-deserve to be here, but _please don't tell anyone._ Hogwarts is my home. Pl-please. I-I c-can beg on my knees if y-you want me to, I do everything you want! But please don't have me thrown out! Please!"

James, Sirius and Peter exchanged terrified gazes. What _the hell_ had Remus gone through? All of them was totally shocked. They had expected an excuse and maybe a small fright, but really nothing like the scene in front of them. James was extremely happy he had thrown a Silence charm before Remus came in. Otherwise he most likely would've been heard from the Common room.

And they couldn't handle that Remus really thought so low about both himself and them; did he really think they should tell everyone? And he had said at least twice by now that he was a monster. They was beginning to get really worried for their friend.

In the middle of his sobbing a part of Remus' mind was ready to be hit, cursed or get insults thrown at him. Ready to get on his feet and try to run anytime. But nothing in him was ready of what really happened. In the middle of a particularly violent sob he felt a pair of strong arms being wrapped around him in a hug, soon joined by another pair and then another.  
"Shhh." Sirius' voice came, the pair of arms that had hugged him first. "Calm down Remus. We won't tell anyone."  
For the first time Remus dared to look up, don't believing anything Sirius said, or that they touched him now when they knew, hugged him even.

"W-what?" he gasped out. He really was confused when his teary eyes confirmed what his body felt: the three boys really hugged him. He felt a small hope blossom up, but pressed it down again. He didn't want to get it crushed, so it was better that it never was there.

"You heard him." James told him with soft and _concerned_ voice. But that wasn't right. They could impossible care about him now. "We won't tell anyone. And what was that nonsense about moving out? You're not going anywhere."  
The Wolf part of Remus felt panic at that, normally that meant that they was going to keep him there and hurt him. He had always succeeded to get away in time before, but then he had his parents, which he didn't now. But a more reasonable part, the human part, realized that they most probably didn't mean it like that. By some reason they didn't seem to hate him.

Remus stared at his three friends with big and disbelieving eyes, still filled with tears but the sobs had stopped.  
He swallowed before speaking.  
"Bu-but I'm a monster. Why would you want to still have me here?" he asked confused. He really didn't understand anything. This wasn't how it was supposed to go when someone found out his secret.

All of his three friends growled feriously at this but stopped when Remus flinched. Sirius and James both opened their mouths to say something, but Peter interrupted them with unusual confidence.  
"Remus, you isn't a monster. You're the most good, loyal and kind _human_ I've ever met. Should a monster stand up for me when someone teases me, either it is Slytherins or James and Sirius? Should a monster offer his own free time to help me study? Should a monster pretend it was he who did something to protect James and Sirius from detention before a Quidditch-match? I think not."

None of the other three could help but look impressed when they heard Peter say this. Not many knew it, but Peter was a very important part of the Marauders. Sometimes Remus wondered if even Peter understood how important he was. He was the one to support in a way no one of the other could do, and even if he sometimes got a little afraid of the other when they were angry (all of them was really terrifying when they was mad, even the 7th years kept out of their way. Heck, even some teachers), he would try to make sure they didn't go too long in the few instances they fought. And he was the one who made sure that the other three didn't flew away in their big plans and even forgot to eat when they was planning a prank. People thought Remus was the voice of reason, and it was true when it was about studying and don't make the pranks too dangerous, but he had almost as easy as James and Sirius to get carried away. Peter was more close to Earth and made sure they didn't forgot the simplest things, like eating and sleeping and sometimes even getting to class.

"B-but I'm a werewolf! When I'm transformed I would kill anyone of you! Hell, I could probably tear your limbs of right now!" Remus protested. It was true. The lycanthropy came with exceptional strength, senses and an early growth-spurt. Peter smiled sadly.  
"True. But a monster isn't what you are, but who you are. Tell me, do you enjoy being a werewolf?"  
All the other three stared strangely at him.  
"No, of course not." Remus answered confused. Why should he? It destroyed his and his parents' lives. Peter nodded.  
"Does you do what you can to avoid hurting anyone at the Full moons and when you aren't transformed?"  
"Yes…" Remus answered. "I locks myself in during the Moon. That's how I got these scars."  
James looked like he wanted to ask something but decided to keep his mouth shut until he understood what Peter was doing.

"Have you ever bitten someone, or killed them?"  
Everyone in the room tensed, waiting for the answer and afraid of what they would hear. Luckily, Remus shook his head violently.  
"No! That's why I am locking myself in. So I won't. I don't want to destroy anyone's life, like my own has been destroyed. And if I _had_ bitten or killed someone I wouldn't be here. Werewolves who does that gets executed. Azkaban is too good for us."  
Again the three of them growled and Sirius looked positively murderous, but Peter continued nevertheless.  
"And have you even wanted to do any of these things to anyone?"  
"No, absolutely not."  
Peter shrugged and then grinned.  
"So, pray tell, exactly what have you done that makes you a monster? Because I can't come up with anything."

The Marauders stared at Peter, stunned by that. None of them had ever seen Peter doing something that intelligent. Of course, they knew that nevertheless what people said, Peter wasn't dumb or stupid, but he had never showed that part of him before.  
Suddenly Remus smiled a hesitant smile, finally daring to believe that this was true.  
"Thanks." It was a short word, and a short sentence, but it held all the gratefulness he felt for them not abandoning him, for them to still touch him and for them not thinking he was a monster and making an effort to tell him he isn't. He didn't believe them, of course, he knew what he was, but it was nice that anyone else but his parents, cousin and professors who didn't think that.

The Marauders hugged him closer.  
"Anytime, Moony." Sirius said.  
Remus raised an eyebrow and stared at him.  
"Moony?" he asked. Sirius grinned and nodded.  
"Yep. That's your new nickname. Moony."  
Remus sighed heavily, but everyone could hear that he really didn't mind. He still was way too grateful t0 put up a fight about that right now. And it did have a good ring.

"You really don't mind?" he asked one last time, just to make sure. They all shook their heads.  
"'Course not. You're only a Wolf twelve nights a year. All other time you're just Remus." James assured him and Sirius and Peter agreed.

Remus smiled brighter than he could remember to ever have done and they got on their feet. Soon everything was like normal again, except that Remus finally had gotten rid of the eternal fear that they would find out and hate him. He finally had true friends, who let him be more than his condition. These boys were the kind of friends that would last a lifetime. They loved him even if he was a lycanthrope. They didn't care about him being one.

 _Finally_.

"Come on Moony! Help us plan this prank on those Slytherins!" James eager voice came from his bed and the sweet fragrance of chocolate reached him. Remus smile widened even more and he hurried over to his friends. His friends.

 **Review please!**


End file.
